Current:Home > InvestRelationship experts say these common dating 'rules' are actually ruining your love life -VanguardEdge
Relationship experts say these common dating 'rules' are actually ruining your love life
View
Date:2025-04-18 17:19:10
Don't text back too soon, or you'll seem desperate. Don't wait too long to text, or they'll lose interest. And don't ever, ever send two text messages in a row.
There are a lot of rules people set for themselves when it comes to the early stages of dating, particularly in an era when dating apps have upended the norms of how most singles meet and mingle.
Many of these self-imposed regulations, however, can actually hinder your chances of finding a healthy romance, according to relationship experts.
"Relationships are contextual," says relationship therapist Kimberly Moffit. "You have to understand the context of your 'situationship' or relationship and use your instincts, as opposed to just always following rules."
Here are some common dating "don't's" that experts encourage daters to let go of:
'Don't text back too soon (or too late)'
Text anxiety has become a staple of online dating. "Am I writing too much? Too little? What if I respond too quickly, and they think I have no life?"
Yes, it's probably wise not to drop everything going on in your life to respond immediately. But you also don't have to feign being busy.
"In dating, someone's going to figure out who you are eventually," Moffit says. "If you're a naturally busy person and you have stuff going on, there's going to be times where you take a few hours to respond and then there's going to be other times where you're there and you get into more of a texting conversation."
Bottom line, she says: Respond when you have time and when it feels natural to do so.
Dating burnout is real:How to find love while protecting your mental health
'Don't date more than one person at a time'
How about: Don't put all your eggs in one basket instead. Celebrity matchmaker and online dating expert Carmelia Ray says there's no need to cut yourself off from other connections if you're still in the early stage of dating someone new, what she calls the courting process.
"It takes a while to get to know somebody, so if you're going to invest all your time in one relationship, and then it doesn't work out, then you're back to ground zero," she says. "It's OK to be hanging out with two or three people to see who is actually consistent, because after a while you'll really know somebody's true colors."
More:How to start a good conversation on a dating app. Online dating advice from relationship experts
'Don't compromise on (superficial) standards'
Moffit and Ray agree: Many daters are far too strict about the type of person they're willing to go out with, leading them to rule out great options over superficial standards like height, location, education level or occupation.
Moffit encourages people to stay open-mind about these things. After all, you could have great chemistry once you meet in person.
"It's a personal decision of course with dating, but I do feel like it just restricts people that if you met them in the wild, you might just really love them," she says, adding you learn more about your attraction to someone from sensory information, such as the way they talk and move, than from information on a dating profile.
More:Videos of long blue text messages show we don't know how to talk to each other
'Don't bring up politics or religion (or anything interesting) on the first date'
Politics, religion and other controversial topics tend to be viewed as off-limits for early dates; however, they're important issues that can reveal someone's values and spark interesting discussion.
Moffit says it's OK to share views that are important to you early in dating, as they can deepen your connection and inspire conversation beyond the typical, 'So, what do you do?' banter.
"People do say things like, 'Avoid politics. Avoid business. Avoid religion. Avoid existential conversations,' " Moffit says. "The best first dates have a lot of deep conversations. How else are you going to get to know somebody and connect if you can't talk about the things that matter to you?"
Plus, if any of these issues do prove to be deal-breakers, isn't it better to be upfront about them sooner rather than later?
"You might have to turn off 80% of people in order to really appeal to the 20% who are the fit," Moffit says.
Are you dating a narcissist?Watch out for these red flags.
veryGood! (41)
Related
- Cincinnati Bengals quarterback Joe Burrow owns a $3 million Batmobile Tumbler
- Rita Moreno calls out 'awful' women in Hollywood, shares cheeky 'Trump Sandwich' recipe
- EAGLEEYE COIN: Blockchain Technology - Reshaping the Future of the Financial Industry
- Pregnant Ayesha Curry Shares the Lessons She’s Passing on to Her 4 Kids
- JoJo Siwa reflects on Candace Cameron Bure feud: 'If I saw her, I would not say hi'
- The EU fines Apple nearly $2 billion for hindering music streaming competition
- Could ‘Microfactories’ Pave a New Path Forward for Plastic Recycling?
- Facebook, Instagram, Messenger and Threads down in widespread outage
- Sonya Massey's family keeps eyes on 'full justice' one month after shooting
- Death Valley's 'Lake Manly' is shrinking, will no longer take any boats, Park Service says
Ranking
- Judge says Mexican ex-official tried to bribe inmates in a bid for new US drug trial
- Which Super Tuesday states have uncommitted on the ballot? The protest voting option against Biden is spreading.
- War in Gaza and settler violence are taking a toll on mental health in the West Bank
- Conspiracies hinder GOP’s efforts in Kansas to cut the time for returning mail ballots
- Opinion: Gianni Infantino, FIFA sell souls and 2034 World Cup for Saudi Arabia's billions
- Dakota Johnson Shares Her Outlook on Motherhood Amid Chris Martin Romance
- How to use AI in the workplace? Ask HR
- Regulator proposes capping credit card late fees at $8, latest in Biden campaign against ‘junk fees’
Recommendation
A New York Appellate Court Rejects a Broad Application of the State’s Green Amendment
Tumble-mageddon: Tumbleweeds overwhelm Utah neighborhoods, roads
Miami Beach is breaking up with spring break — or at least trying to
OMG! Nordstrom Rack’s Spring Sale Includes up to 70% off Kate Spade, Free People, Madewell, & More
Your Wedding Guests Will Thank You if You Get Married at These All-Inclusive Resorts
A woman wins $3.8 million verdict after SWAT team searches wrong home based on Find My iPhone app
Man convicted of New York murder, dismemberment in attempt to collect woman's life insurance
Crew Dragon docks with space station, bringing four fresh crew members to the outpost